The perfect mum

When you first discover you’re pregnant you have so
Many ideas of what kind of parent or mum you’re going to be:
* You’re only going to dress your child in designer clothes
* Their never going to be grotty or have snot running down their face
* You’re always going to look your best when you leave the house (no ‘mum buns’)
* You’re never going to be late or be disorganised
* You’re only going to feed your child organic or sugar free or preservative free or you’re going to cook every single meal for them
* You’re going to have a set routine from the time their a newborn
* You’re child is never going to have a tantrum or act out in public
* You’re going to have the latest baby items and the prettiest nursery
* Have the cleanest house
* The best group of mummy friends
* You’re going to maintain all your previous friendships
* Your not going to get post natal depression or develop anxiety or any other mental illness
* You’re relationship with your partner won’t change!
* You’ll make time for yourself regularly
* You’ll get your pre baby body back
* Your child won’t watch copious amounts of tv or have a dummy
* Your child will sleep through the night
* You’ll have dinner on the table the second your partner walks through the door
* Your house will forever be clean and you’ll have time to clean it regularly
You’ll have everything planned out precisely to enable you’re visage of the ‘perfect’ mother that you’re going to be, and then all that planning, all that preparing gets shattered. Absolutely obliterated when you’re exhausted, unwashed, disheveled head to toe and still rocking when the baby is asleep. You’ll have the same greasy ‘mum bun’ and consistently dress in ‘active wear’ or just always be in comfy clothes, unless it’s completely dire you dress yourself to head out the door.
Your perception of the ‘perfect’ mum that you hoped you would be is gone, annihilated, demolished! However that doesn’t make you a bad mum! That just makes you a mum!
Sure you can compare yourself to what you see on Facebook or Instagram of the perfectly preened mums, with the clear complexions, the clean coloured hair, the perfect backgrounds with the fanciest most expensive non stained outfits on the least grubby child you’ve ever seen, and the least tired new mother smiling heavenly. But that’s not real! More than likely she’s just like us and that photo that is racking up the likes is just for show and has taken A LOT of effort to put together!
It’s easy to make things appear a certain way, take an amazing photo and watch the likes sky rocket, but it’s not reality and that’s ok too! It’s ok to be tired and struggling and to be rocking the ‘mum bun,’ and it’s ok our kids aren’t ‘perfect’ or just like so and so’s Insta-famous kids. It’s ok that our perception of what we’d be like or what we wanted are a bit warped because parenting is freaking difficult and being a mum is bloody hard!
But it is also incredibly rewarding, we might not be like what we pictured back all those months ago, when we just had flutters in our belly or what we see on social media, but not everything we see is accurate or real. Your child will think you’re perfect and you are perfect in your own way. But truly none of us are really perfect, that in itself is totally unrealistic and a bit boring if you ask me! Just be you!
It took me a while to stop carrying about what people thought of me as a parent, my child is healthy and happy and to me that is all that matters. She doesn’t have a fancy pram or expensive clothes, she runs around naked more than she’s dressed, she doesn’t have every toy you see on social media, and I don’t buy from brands on instagram (even though I sometimes want too), she’s had a dummy for far too long, and we’re still trying to toilet train, I wear pj’s more than I wear regular clothes! I should probably shower more, and clean my floors more regularly!
My mum bun rocks!
My idea of how I wanted to be as a parent is gone! But I am happy, we are happy and my child is healthy and to her I am perfect. Don’t try and live up to an expectation, just be the best that you can be and that you can offer your child.

Those days where the kids just break you!

I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy hormones but some days are a lot tougher and more taxing than others. Days where you’re literally reduced to tears and wanting to give up on the day, even when it’s only eight am!
Days where you can rigorously say/tell/scream the same thing at your child and they will still turn around and do the same exact thing they just got in trouble for!

Days where it takes two hours for them to have a nap even when their exhausted

Days where they blatantly ignore every single word that you say, and pretend that their deaf!

Days where they tell you their hungry all bloody day but won’t actually eat anything you give them

Days where they repeatedly pull your hair or poke you in the eye, because it’s so funny hurting mummy! NOT

Days where your partner has to faithfully intervene, enough for you to regroup your emotions to tactfully get through the rest of the day/night. (Days you are really bloody thankful for your other half or just help!)

Days where you seriously question if you’re a good mum or even a decent one

Days where you contemplate opening that bottle of wine before dinner time, or even before twelve pm!

Days where you solemnly contemplate if your child is possessed by the devil and not just as a joke

Days where you really have to wonder where that nice little person went

And days where you wish they were over before they have even started

Writing this makes me feel awful that I’ve even thought theses things (I’m probably not alone though) however at the end of these god awful days, where you’ve more than likely had a cry or drink (I’m totally not judging I’ve had quite a few cries in the last few weeks) and you’re putting your little gremlin to bed, praying that tomorrow is going to be a better day and all of a sudden they grab hold of you and give you a mammoth cuddle or tell you that they love you or even just don’t resist your goodnight cuddle, you know that all those crappy moments during the day are just them testing their boundaries, learning, discovering and being a kid.
Every crappy day is worth it because there’s always a good one coming and no matter what you’re going to love you’re kiddies no matter what mood they or you are in.

Also I think that if you’ve suffered or still suffer from depression or anxiety these feelings/days can quite easily escalate in your head and make it all seem a lot worse. I have anxiety and I know that in my experience these crappy days really play with my emotions and make me feel as if I’m failing my child. It takes a lot of encouragement and self assurance to overcome the day and see the positive. However if you can think of a mantra or moto to remember that the kids are just testing you and learning their boundaries it makes it a lot easier to breathe through the day. Parenting is extremely overwhelming and the hardest job you’ll probably ever do, there’s no right or wrong way, and unfortunately there isn’t a handbook you get given when their born! Nonetheless everyday is a new learning experience for both of you and everyday is totally worth it in the bigger scheme of things

Love for two babies

I have been debating whether or not to write about this for a few weeks now, purely because I didn’t want followers/friends/family or even strangers to possibly think I was a ‘bad’ parent. However despite my brain overthinking absolutely everything I think it’s positive to air these feelings out.

When you have a baby and become a parent you experience the most overwhelming love and adoration for your child EVER! You know you would do absolutely anything for that tiny, pink, wiggly bubba that has just been placed on your chest for the very first time, and in that second you know that place on your chest in your heart and life will forever be its home. You have a better understanding of why your mum or grandmother cry at just about anything, you understand how women can take bullets/natural disasters/cars for their children and how they can forsake their own happiness for the benefit of their kids.

Because you’re a mum, that is your role in this world. From the second that their born that love eminates and even when their little shits your still going to love them and want to smother them in kisses and cuddles until their your little angel again.

However my anxiety has been thinking lately; how do you have that much love in your heart for two babies? I know that it is completely unfair for me to even think that, but honestly how is it possible to contemplate having that much love again when you already have one child. I know that it’s just going to come naturally when little miss is born and with us earth side, but for now I just keep thinking that my heart is going to implode with sharing that much love for two little girls. I can’t begin to imagine what that must feel like with numerous children! How do you share that fairly amongst them? (Because we all know you can’t have favourites!) it seems almost impossible to consider how that happens, however Milla doesn’t seem phased by it at all, she has an incredible bond with her sister already and is so excited to meet her that it reassures me to no end, that it is in fact possible to love two humans that incredulously much. But isn’t it a scary thought for any soon to be second/third/fourth time parents? Or is it just crazy people like me?!

Differences in pregnancy

So as you’re already aware I’m pregnant! I’m twenty one weeks, showing and not fitting into any of my clothes already! It’s a bit sad actually, I thought I’d have months before I wouldn’t be able to do up my pants but no we’re already here! ( I’ve always been a size 6-8 and now I’m a size 10! 😦 I wasn’t even that big in my last pregnancy) Anyway I’m actually here to talk about the differences I’ve experienced with my pregnancies thus far.
When I was pregnant with Milla I had morning sickness for about four or five months straight, no relief. And not just morning sickness all day sickness. I got so good at being able to time when I was going to be sick that I could hold on up three flights of stairs, tie my hair up and not miss the toilet bowl. (Impressive right!) This time around I was literally violently ill for two days in the very beginning, which is how we knew that I was up the duff! After those two horrendous days I felt slightly nauseous but was able to keep food down and able to go on with my daily functions. I was and just am exhausted all the time, could also be that I have a toddler!
First time around I didn’t show pretty much at all till the six month mark, I had a few pimples but nothing tell tale till over half way in. This time I started showing at about nine weeks, my boobs instantly grew and I had pimples EVERYWHERE! Not to mention my cravings are all over the place, first time all I wanted was sweet food and ate quite a lot of junk, now it’s savoury tastes. I’ve hardly eaten any junk food and been eating protein and veggies as if there going out of fashion.
Both pregnancies I can’t come at any form or red meat for weeks, can’t even deal with the smell. I basically have to psych myself into eating it, with the hope it doesn’t come back up at some point. Which it usually does within the hour. However this time after thirteen weeks I’m more than happy to have a steak for dinner even asking for it without throwing it up or psyching myself into actually putting it in my mouth! Woohooo

Everybody thought I was carrying a boy because all my symptoms were so different from the first time, and at my twelve week scan the sonographer was certain that we were carrying a male. Which my partner was ecstatic about! I wasn’t exactly ready to believe her when I was still so early into my pregnancy but we rolled with it anyway. My partner was so excited he started telling immediate friends and family, which was fine. I was just a tad resilient given how early we had been given the gender results. However it began to grow on me the idea that we were going to have a little boy and that Milla was going to have a brother. Even the pregnancy “carrying” myths started to become evident;
•Acne outbursts – Check
•Breast increase – Check
•Salty food cravings – Check
•Left sleeping position – Check
•No morning sickness – Check
•Chine zodiac calendar – Check
•Headaches – Check
I honestly believed I was having a boy, and this time around everything was different I just assumed I would have to be carrying the other gender!
In the back of my mind I knew it was still possible that I could potentially be carrying a girl it just wasn’t all that probable.
However at my last scan the eighteen to twenty week screening we found out that we were actually expecting a little girl and there most certainly were no boy bits. That was disappointing for my partner and confusing for everyone we’d already told! Alas there is going to be two little Fyfe princesses in our household!
I never thought for two seconds I would have to name two little girls, and we are really struggling to come up with a individual uncommon girls name that we don’t hate.
With Milla we knew instantaneously what her name was going to be and we believe it suits her incredibly well, this time though nothing we can think of, come up with, research seems right. So we’re just going to have to wait and test them all out I guess. Does anybody have a good girls name?

I’m quietly excited to have another little girl! And I can’t wait for Milla to meet and get to know her little sister, I always wanted a sister and never got one so it’s going to be exciting to see how they get along. However I am nervous that Milla may be a bit catty towards another little girl taking her limelight, but I guess we will find out in about four months time! (Ok that’s just too soon!)
Two little girls! I’m so excited to see my partner with his other little girl, I know how special his bond is with Milla so I’m sure with two it’s just going to intensify and be so magical and cute! And girls and their daddies is a match made in heaven!
Speaking of matches made in heaven, my midwife is my spirit animal! I have a distaste for taking vitamins or really pills in general, I personally find them unnecessary if you have a healthy balanced diet. Anyhow my midwife too finds them avoidable, claiming that we just wee out half the nutrients anyway! So recommended two kiwi fruit, two eggs daily and half a Berocca twice weekly, which should suffice the need to take pregnancy vitamins! Woohooo
Although I did find out I had a mild iron deficiency so I do have to take iron tablets, but that’s ok! (Also happened first pregnancy) Needless to say I’m thrilled that I got placed with a midwife that has suggested this, I feel so relived that I don’t have to lie to her constantly that “yes I’m taking my vitamins” when in actual fact I don’t even own any! It’s my personal choice not everyone’s and if you do want to take my midwifes advice seek the guidance of your doctor first.

I can’t even begin to explain how excited I am for matching outfits!
Can you tell I’m excited! Hahah
Just have to think of a name!

Has anybody else had completely different pregnancy experiences however the same gender?

Two year olds!

Two year olds are a new breed of human!
When ‘they’ say “terrible twos” they mean it!
(I say ‘they’ and ‘these’ being other parents who have been through this age group and/or have given advice or commented)
The first couple of months are fine, perfect even (I speak for my child only), as if all these people are just lying to you when they mention the ‘two’s’ as if it’s some mystical beast! And then all of a sudden something snaps and your toddler turns into a little miniature devil creature. That are not hesitant to fall to the ground and have a tantrum when you the parent says no to chocolate, no to more Peppa Pig, no to going to the swimming pool, no to the park, no to not going out naked, or anything really, you are likely to encounter a screaming crying alien child. And then there is the attitude, and you’re just like “where the hell did that come from?” They assume that they can talk back without consequence, or tell you no, or blatantly guess that their going to get their own way because they said so? (Come on dudes)
It’s honestly as if the naughty switch got turned to high voltage and tantrums are the new black.
However it’s not just restricted to home, oh no! It is more than likely and probable that it is going to happen in public more often than not. Talk about embarrassing.
Especially when you’ve said no to chocolate, lollies, toys, ice-cream or something super random that their now carrying around and BAM the water works and ear piercing screaming starts, and now you’re the centre of attention. Because it’s obviously you’re fault!
And when you think you can’t take it anymore they surprise you with yet another tantrum so that you’re so close to tears your self you too may drop to the floor kicking and crying. Which you might go do with the toilet door locked just to get it out of your system and be able to deal with the rest of the day! (This is why parents drink!)

However two year olds aren’t all bad! The amount of growth and development that occurs every single day is phenomenal! At this age they are able to communicate so well and it becomes encouraging and special to hear them speaking and telling you stories. You start discovering their personalities and character traits, (we have a little comedian on our hands, she’s always doing something to make us laugh) which is so magical because you see the person they are going to become. As much as I hate the tantrums I LOVE this age, I love being interactive with my child and being able to communicate reasonably well, it proves to us as parents what all the hard work is for and why we put in so much effort and diligence.

For a while I was quite worried that my toddler wasn’t interacting with her toys much or at all, and would prefer to hang out with me doing whatever it was I was up to or with anybody that was around, it definitely concerned me a bit. As much as I would encourage her she would have very minimal interest in playing for long and boy does she have a magnitude of potential toys to take her fancy! Any who at two she finally took an interest in playing independently! She took an interest in the great expanse of toys she has always had and now we can’t go anywhere without something in tow! We even have several hundred in our big girl bed. It defiantly puts my anxious mind at ease that finally she’s normal! That is probably a poor choice of words, however it was pretty weird and a bit uncommon in my group of mum friends, have any of you had a similar occurrence? Or the pleasure of dealing with a terrible two?

As I said before their not all bad! This age as much as it’s draining and very frustrating at times is by far my favourite age so far! She’s my best friend, my little gremlin and one of the best companions around! Goodness this parenting thing is hard!

Can I pull a ‘sickie’ from parenting?

Don’t you wish you could call in sick from your kids? Seriously just imagine if there was some sort of hotline where you picked up the phone and went ‘sorry I’m feeling a bit unwell today I’m just going to stay in bed, I hope that’s ok?’ then hung up the phone and just went back to sleep instead of getting up and making breaky and all the other joyous things us parents do at ungodly hours of the morning.

I have realised that there are numerous flaws in my ‘pulling a sickie’ theory.
Firstly where would this mythical hotline be connected too? Grandparent? Nannying service? Spare housewife?

Secondly, mum guilt! Incredible, increasing mum guilt! I don’t know about you but the second I know some else is looking after my child instead of me purely because I can’t be f’d, I would feel sooooo guilty :/

Thirdly, yeah right this is ever going to actually eventuate into a realistic thing!

However just take a moment to think about what I’m suggesting….
Pulling a sickie from all parental responsibilities for the whole day! No waking up and instantly making five different breakfast because the first four weren’t what they wanted or they “don’t like it”
No nappy changes or toilet trips with a toilet training demon toddler
No getting them dressed continuously or outfit changes
No seven hundred snack demands
No screeching at having to take a nap, even when their over tired
No playing with toys you couldn’t give two cahoots about
No reading the same book five times in a row
No dinner on the floor
No kids shows!
No bath time
No bed time
No tantrums!
No park trips

Just one day of blissful sleep in, perhaps reading in bed, perhaps snacks other than something from the baby isle, hot tea/coffee! A marathon of trashy reality tv, or actually catching up on missed episodes, a long bath, uninterrupted meal, a convosation that doesn’t end in ‘no’ or screaming, peace and quiet.

Let’s just imagine this fantasy one last time as we read this blog in a glimpse as we drift off, fold the washing or finally take a moment to relax after putting the kids to bed ( or in the bathroom with the door locked!).
Maybe tomorrow will be the day that you too wish we could take a ‘sickie’ from the kids that we love.

And as I write this post my little girl has a horrendous cold which she will most likely pass on to the rest of the house hold! so see ya later day of the ‘sickie!’

Pregnancy woes…

I’m not positive why but this pregnancy round I have never felt more self conscious about my appearance. Yes you heard right, I am pregnant again! I’m about eighteen weeks along now however we have been uncertain on dates the whole time since I was having a few health issues before we found out the big news.
As I stated originally I am feeling extremely self conscious, I know that with second or third or however many babies you’re up too the pregnancy ‘showing’ can happen a lot earlier than the first pregnancy and boy is that true! However that’s not the only confidence issue! Where the hell did all these pimples come from? I’ve never had acne before and I wasn’t a particularly pimply teenager but now WOW! A new colony breaks out every single week and they don’t go away 😦

And hair! Either it’s falling out in clumps or growing rampant where it’s not falling out?! WTF
And emotions, seriously I could cry at just about anything
AND non of my pre-pregnancy clothes fit me nor undergarments and that’s not making me feel fuller, or more beautiful or glowey it is purely making me feel behemoth (which I’m not, because I’m not a very big girl) and uncomfortable and a little depressed, I don’t want to be limited to only wearing my partners clothing or having to go out and buy maternity clothing at not even twenty weeks 😦 normally I would be all for a new wardrobe but not like this. Perhaps I should just wear a burqa and be done with it?
ALSO what is it with being sleepy and hungry all at the same time but actually being able to fall asleep at the worst of times, especially when your toddler is wide awake and wanting to go to the park, but your purely too lightheaded and exhausted todo anything! Has anybody else been redeculously lightheaded during pregnancy? I have low blood sugar and normally low blood pressure but it’s never made me feel sick before, doctors have said everything’s fine though.
I haven’t taken a bump photo till two weeks ago and still haven’t posted it on any social media site purely because I don’t like how I look in it. Which kinda hurts me because I was so open and sharing with my first pregnancy and posted photos consistently and wanted to show off my growing body and this time around it’s as if a switch has been turned off.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t hate being pregnant and I definitely love newborns and babies and the whole process, I just didn’t realise how hard, exhausting, mildly depressing (hahah), and purely magical second (third) pregnancies were. Maybe it’s just me? And I needed to have a rant and possibly a big cry and to eat twenty four chicken nuggets and a whole tub of ice cream and just suck it up and move on!

Any way have any other mummies out there felt this way with there second/third/fourth pregnancies?